Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
