U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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