Sry I called you an 8
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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