My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
