his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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