Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
