My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
