What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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