A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
