RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You smell like stripper and shame
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
