Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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