Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
