when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
