Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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