i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
