...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
