haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize