He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
