Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
