idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
