Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
