Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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