i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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