my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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