Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just threw up on my dentist
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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