I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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