shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize