So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
nutella sex= disaster
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
