I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
