I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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