you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
