You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
