so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
