i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
