does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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