Yo dont text me then not text me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize