you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
