I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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