he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
