You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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