but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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