yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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