were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
