i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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