He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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