Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
