I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
