There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
