You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
