I'm going to jail i love you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Vodka?
Forever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
