trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
