i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
