Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
