You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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