I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He better not be in your backpack
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize