I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
