Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
