You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
