I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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