no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I checked into jail on foursquare
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
