Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
