I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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