i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
