my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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