Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
