And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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