I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You ruined the universe
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
