I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
