My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize