I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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