I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
