so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
