Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
